After three years of living with a secret I’ve had haunting me since it happened, I have finally decided to brave up and reveal my experience with Sam Pepper after seeing more people open up about it. Many of my friends already know what we had going on, but not many knew much about it in detail, only some did, just many knew that I have hated him with a passion ever since. However, I must say I will be remaining anonymous, I am not as brave as Dottie or other girls, call me weak or pathetic, I don’t care, I partly agree, but I do want the story out there and it’s terrifying as it is having to write up my experience up even anonymously. I just really do not want to have to deal with hate and fan girls indenial, this also means that I will not have my ask or submission box open.
To begin with I first met him in April 2011 at a fan meet up he organised so he could make a “rave” prank video for his YouTube Channel (I think the video may have been deleted now, but I don’t know), but honestly at the time, I didn’t really know who he properly was because it was my friends who wanted to go (they were fans because of his appearance on Big Brother) and they wanted me to come along anyway just so I can hang out with them. When I met him, he was incredibly rude to me, he called me a derogatory term he made up that was racist towards me and my appearance (which I’d rather not mention to protect my identity) then started making racist jokes towards that race when having a photo next to me. I was hurt due to the fact that I had spent the past few days “becoming a fan” of him and searching up videos of him so I could be at least a mild fan when I met him, so to have someone you liked make fun of you there in front of a ton of his fans wasn’t exactly the nicest experience, but whatever, that’s nothing to me now and it gets worse. There were a ton more rude things he did that day which I don’t think were that revelant, but in general he has a very harsh sense of humour (especially that day), most of you know that already if you are either a fan or just know who he is. So anyway, after most of my friends weren’t happy with what he had said towards me and towards others, we just left him early whilst all the other fans were still hanging out with him.
Later that night (especially after disliking Sam from just meeting him once), he tweets saying “who’s that girl I called <insert derogatory racist term that he had made up for me here>? I want the photo we had together!” then after getting enough notifications saying my twitter username, he deleted the tweet. I never actually saw the original tweet other than a print screen that my friend had sent me at the time, unfortunately I am unable to recover this as it has been over 3 years and was uploaded on yfrog, which is a site no longer in use (I think it was changed to imageshack? Regardless I tried searching for the print screen just to show proof and I can’t locate it at all) and then adds me on Facebook, through the link I had on my Twitter profile at the time, a few days after posting the tweet (not sure why he waited a few days, but he did). He messages me saying all this:
Now you may be thinking, “wow you are so stupid, you were far too nice to him, I thought you hated him from meeting him that one time?” Sure, I was hurt by the fact he made fun of me, but I am also an extremely forgiving person and like I said, I was somewhat a new fan who did have a liking to him. I was happy that he apologised so I was kind to him, but then again, I’m always fucking kind and I hate myself for it.
As you can tell, it wasn’t long before he decided to invite me over to his house. Now before I go on any further, I must say, I was a 16 year old little nerd. I knew NOTHING about boys or relationships or sex or anything. I was a virgin and I probably have all the personality qualities you would give the stereotypical “nerd”. I was pretty much *innocent*, before him I had only kissed one boy before in my whole life. I didn’t know anything about how guys could use you, manipulate you or abuse you, I had no clue. To me, this seemed like he had an interest in me and that he wanted to get to know me, like most normal people do before they become a couple, right? Wrong.
That is what happened next, yes you may tell me “you had it coming, he wanted you to show off your boobs and butt” or that I should’ve never gone and met him, but again, from my *innocent* perspective, he seemed understanding, that he understood that I wasn’t comfortable with sex because of how young and inexperienced I was, that I wouldn’t have sex with anyone I don’t know well enough, let alone lose my virginity to. And even though I went to his, he did tried to “get in my pants” to put it losely, but I simply refused and he didn’t do anything I was uncomfortable with (we kissed and stuff, but we didn’t have sex). I did not lose my virginity that first time and it’s all happy now, right? No.
I spent months chatting to him over Facebook, over casual things, but to me it seemed like we were becoming friends. That this was the step closer to becoming a couple, that he really liked me and thought I was cute and everything. We met up a couple of times and each time, he would want sex, but I would say no, and he would make me feel really shit about not giving it to him. Part of me wanted to have sex with him because he was not just really attractive at the time, but I really began to like him. He was extremely funny, he was ambitious and he is a computer nerd. In fact, I became SO infuated with him that I didn’t realise that he had been emotionally manipulating me for two months since that April. On June 26th, I finally decided to sleep over night at his place (not just the casual visit that I would usually do), but that night I had planned that this would be the night I finally agree to have sex with him because maybe then I’ll stop feeling so bad about not giving him what he wanted and maybe then we could maybe become a couple? HOW STUPID was I in the first place to even think that was a realistic idea? Why did I ever think that a puny little 16 year old would go out officially with super attractive and famous “Sam Pepper”? Now being a much more mature 20 year old in her final year of University, I know how stupid I was, I know that I should’ve avoided him from the moment he even dared mention my boobs and butt through message, but I didn’t because I was SO “in love” with him. I loved being with him and I got excited when he would message or call me. I had this unrealistic world he put my head in that I didn’t realise the reality of the situation and was fucked over by him and I think he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that I was very young, very stupid (because of inexperience and whatever else), that I probably didn’t know much better and that he could easily manipulate me and that’s exactly what he did. After using me that night, he didn’t contact me for months. He didn’t message me again like he usually would after seeing me, he completely blanked me. I immaturely spammed him with messages calling him a “douche” because I was angry, but I did not receive a single reply.
For a few months, I told a few people what happened and it turns out he’d been seeing other girls behind my back too, many people saw it as “cheating”, but because we were never official I never knew what to classify it as other than that I was beyond heartbroken. I also found out he’d ask a few of my friends for nude images and that he tried getting with some other friends who just weren’t into to him at all. It pushed my self esteem down to a rock bottom because I never felt so stupid and humiliated in my life, but there was nothing I could do about it. What had happened, had happened. That’s it.
But my “experience” didn’t end there, it had an ending. I wasn’t happy with it, but it happened. At Christmas Eve he messages me again (this time I am 17 years old and after months of ignoring me and not talking to me).
And what irritates me the most is that I was TOO nice to him. I not only complimented him by calling him “hot” (I was meant to say that he uses his looks and status to use girls, but I was so shocked at the time, I’m pretty sure I was shaking, when he had messaged me so it ended up being worded so terribly), but I continued talking to him like we were still friends, talking about my games console like he even cared. I was far too nice when I was far too heartbroken and upset over what he did. And the fact he even dared to ask me to meet him again after he did what he did to me. Emotionally manipulating me, pressuring me into finally having sex with him then ignoring me for months and having a ton of girls behind my back crushed me and I wasn’t going to risk my feelings going through that again by meeting up with him ever again. The “#SamPepperHatesMe” quote was due to the fact it was trending on Twitter at the time, maybe some long-term fans of him may remember that trend, I don’t know, but it’s true, Sam Pepper does hate me, and he hates you too, he hates everyone because all he wants is sex no matter how he gets it.
I know my story isn’t as bad as others, but it’s still something that affected me really badly and I think it’s just further proof that Sam is bullshitting everything and that he is a horrible person who manipulates everything, including people’s feelings towards him. I can’t visit places like East Croydon (where he used to live back in England) because it reminds me of him and what he did. I can’t enjoy Thor (The Avenger) because we watched Thor together. It’s stupid, small things like that which trigger awful feelings and memories. It’s horrible and I know I shouldn’t be so affected by him, even after three years since it happened, especially now that I’m in a good full-term relationship that has lasted almost two years now.
But congratulations Sam, if you do end up reading this, you are still continuing to manipulate the world with your lies and bullshit and a lot of people are still falling for it, like I did three years ago. I hope you tell the future girls you fuck around with that they are just a “social experiment” too.
- Some girl that Sam probably forgot about because he’s probably been with too many girls to remember
P.S. At the time I was seeing him, his YouTube videos were nothing like of that nature he has been posting the past year or so. When he first posted the kissing girls one, I was in tears thinking that it’s the kind of thing he had been doing behind my back in private. It makes me absolutely sick and I know a ton of his fans still will refuse to believe this, because whether or not they believe it, it’s still true and it still happened and it’s still something I have to live with in my memories for the rest of my life and that’s something their disbelief will never change (as much as I wish it didn’t happen either.)
P.P.S. I am not really sure why it says “Facebook User” on our messages together, I can still type “Sam” up in the Facebook message search and all our text logs will come up, but there’ll be no profile attached to it. I think whatever profile he was using back in 2011 has been deactivated, but he still mentions “Sam” in one of the messages so I guess that’s the best proof I have, but regardless of “proof”, it’s still a very much real thing that happened.